How long has it been?

I haven’t written in so long and I wonder if I still have the passion I once did, I have been happy and I have been sad and for the most part I’ve felt nothing at all. Yet still I write and even after all this time I feel this is the only place in which I can be heard and understood. I could never tell the people around me the way I truly feel inside, why? Because it’s hard to explain, I enjoy life but being alive is mostly a burden. Today has been the first day since the new year when I contemplated the continuation of life. But I want to fall in love and be truly loved but I find it hard to believe those who say that they do. Of course loving myself is the first step and it has been the most challenging thing to do when you have nothing but flings. So this year I’ve decided that I need to be celibate in order for me to put all of myself into myself and then self love will come. I chose to sell my material items and travel the country to not only discover myself but to find happiness in the world around me. Many might think it’s insane and scary not knowing what the next day will bring but for me it is so exciting. Perhaps one day I will soon cross the sea and discover what the rest of the world has to offer. 

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