Cat_Enigma's Litterbox

 I never thought that looking for an entry level position in a company would be so confusing, you read what the job entails and then in the requirements section it says a certain number of years experience is needed. Like um what? If the job is entry-level then wouldn't they be where you get experience from? I can understand when certain positions require a degree as most jobs do these days but to ask for years of experience in an industry you're trying to start a career in doesn't make sense. Will I still apply? of course! You never really know what could happen and most positions are given simply because you were there at the right time. I've always wanted to do journalism and writing of any kind really but I never thought I was good enough so I never tried. But when really thinking about it how can one get any better if they never tried in the first place?! So basically I'm just saying "yolo" and "shooting my shot" as the kids these days say a...

 So, I've been doing some job searching in hopes to find the remote job of my dreams and in some a requirement was a drivers license. Which is kind of confusing considering it's a remote job and all the work is done via the internet, like what do I need it for if I'm literally not going anywhere? Why look for a remote job? Well I've realized that in my 10+ years of working in retail that I don't really like people. Now my coworkers are never the problem it's the customer interactions that have ruined me for life however, I can fake it like a pro at this point but I'd rather not be emotionally drained at the end of the day. I hope to be able to get a job where I can write creatively and about topics that I enjoy but I suppose it'll take time to find the perfect job for me. Or perhaps it's only difficult because some companies ask for too much, like a cover letter, resume and years of experience in the industry even though it's an entry level posit...

I haven’t written in so long and I wonder if I still have the passion I once did, I have been happy and I have been sad and for the most part I’ve felt nothing at all. Yet still I write and even after all this time I feel this is the only place in which I can be heard and understood. I could never tell the people around me the way I truly feel inside, why? Because it’s hard to explain, I enjoy life but being alive is mostly a burden. Today has been the first day since the new year when I contemplated the continuation of life. But I want to fall in love and be truly loved but I find it hard to believe those who say that they do. Of course loving myself is the first step and it has been the most challenging thing to do when you have nothing but flings. So this year I’ve decided that I need to be celibate in order for me to put all of myself into myself and then self love will come. I chose to sell my material items and travel the country to not only discover myself but to find happiness ...

Staring into the void of existence has done things to me that often times scare me. I can no longer feel the once sweet emotion that came with a crush, more often than not I can not feel anything more than sorrow and emptiness. Is it wrong that I feel happiest when I’m completely alone? A thought for someone who cares I suppose. I’ve always had a sense of calm in the darkness, perhaps this is the life that was intended for me. But if you asked me if I were content with solitude in darkness I would say that I am. Though it is darkness and solitude it’s the most consistent thing I’ve ever had in life and so I’m happier in it. Perhaps happier than most, some may think I’m strange for it but I’d rather be alone than unhappy. I still believe in love strange as it may seem and maybe one day I’ll feel it. Though I am never truly sure if it’s something I want, maybe I don’t... isn’t that a frightening thought? And yet it made me smile, and so I’ll leave you until I return once more.

The fall gets nearer every day and the Fall school semester comes with it, I thought I was prepared but the closer it gets the more anxious I get which says I'm not ready at all. I have all the things I need when it comes to school supplies and a route there but my brain just can't cope. I'm excited to finally start on my Bachelors Degree in History and to meet new people and experience the University life. It's just the finding my way around that's nerve racking, I hate being late to anything important. With my learning being one of the most important things in my life it scares me to think I might miss a class or even be late. I assume the anxiety will pass after the first few days in the semester so I haven't panicked just yet, I'll save those for midterms and finals week. Yes I reserve my most dramatic reactions for things I feel deserve them, I know it sounds strange but you can't just waste them on something like a missing sock. I don't really ...

As hoped my days have gotten better little by little, the sun has started to shine, and all the other corny ways to say it got better. I would like to say that it's a change that will stick around but lets be real, you never know when it's gonna happen it just does. Depression... I've never really said it to the public but I think it's time I did. Yes I have depression, yes my quirky remarks and jokes are my way of hiding the fact that it's always there. I try to make others laugh in hopes that their genuine happiness will maybe come my way and make me feel a little less useless. I know, that seems a bit excessive but come on if you know me you know everything I do is "extra" even my depression. The thing most people don't really get about me is that I deal with my depression everyday it's just some days are worse than others. Yes I've tried medication but the only thing it did was make me irrational and overly emotional, which if you do know m...