How it All Began

It was about five years ago when it all started,I was about twelve to be exact when I started to feel this way. The feeling of self loathing, depression, and the forever growing lonliness. I thought there would never be an end to this feeling, and I hated it. Now I have always been fascinated with vampires I've always loved everything about them. So when I first recieved my own vampire book I was extremely ecstatic about it. When I read this book I started to see things in a different light and I liked it. Everything changed I didn't feel alone anymore, I had a place where I could go to get away from the life I knew I hated. And so, I bought more books about them, I wanted to know everything about them, read every book ever written about them I was so entranced by them. It was as if I went away when I read my books I couldn't wait to get home close myself in my room or as my ex-psychiatrist once said my coffin and read. So then I collected more and more books, books about vampires of course, fairy tales and fantasy lands to satisfy my creativity. I even began to collect books about Witches and warewolfs anything of that nature because it fascinated me so. But soon it wasn't enough and so I began to write my own stories and make up my own characters inspired by the books I'd read. These characters though were everything that I thought the other vampire book characters were missing. This being the reason I was inspired to try and persue a career in writing this genre. Because, with my own writing I felt like it was more real, more of me in it instead of imagining myself in the other stories. This feeling lasted for quite some time until recently when I started to read a certain book on seduction and found that I was in fact one of the victims described in the book. I was "The Dissapointed Dreamer" I knew that I was when they described it because though the writing made me happy I knew I was never really satisfied. It was never really exactly real, oh and how I wished so many times before that it all was and that I may be apart of it . But of course I was indeed dissapointed that none of my wishes were ever answered, and thus I became my old self again. But this time I was ready because I already knew it would come, it always does. But this is only for now so I leave you with this, the deepest darkness can be found in anyone but, it can also be made.